Leave! Run as fast as you can! Is the advice you often hear when you’re in a relationship with a narcissist. But you love him and want to make it work. Is this possible?
According to narcissist abuse therapist Perpetua Neo, who agrees with the “run fast and far” sentiment, it’s certainly possible to have a relationship with a narcissist. But it’s going to be emotionally and psychologically exhausting. Narcissists drain all the life and spirit from their partner, leaving them a shell of their former self.
It’s not all bad
“Some people they feel like they see this good person inside,” Neo said. “He’s so sweet at times… and of course he’s sweet at times, that’s the whole point.”
Narcissists hook their victims by love-bombing them. Once the hook has been set, and they feel confident that the victim will stick around they start to reveal their true self. You begin to see the ugliness of their personality. But you still see some of the things that attracted you in the first place, the “good side.” If the narcissist were always shitty, it would be easier to leave.
You’ll have to sacrifice a lot
Even after the narcissist is seen for what he is, some women still want to try to make it work. Some will even seek professional help to make their relationship successful.
Therapists will tell you that to make a relationship with a narcissist work; you have to sacrifice a lot.
You have to be okay with being lied to regularly according to Neo.
“Prepare to be gaslighted, for there will be two versions of what’s happened,” she said. “Because narcissists are very good at rewriting reality and getting you to admit to doing something you didn’t do.”
For a narcissist to be happy, you’ll always have to accept their version of events as the truth. Otherwise, you’ll be on the receiving end of their narcissistic rage.
You’ll be emotionally drained
Narcissists are always looking to play the blame game, and the easiest person to blame will be you. So to make the relationship work, you’ll have to take them belittling you at every turn, and calling you crazy and oversensitive if you dare stand up for yourself