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Want Peace of Mind? Boot These 6 Toxic People from Your Life

The Oxford Dictionary has proclaimed “toxic” word of the year for 2018.

You don’t have to wait for the end of the year to rid yourself of things and people that are making your life unpleasant.  But the start of a new year is the perfect time to get your mind in the right place by removing toxic people from your life.

Toxic people can be found in many circles of our lives. The problem is that we are emotionally attached to the bad relationships. Even when our mind tells us to let go, it’s still hard to break away from the toxic people we’ve become attached to.

Once and for all, why not endeavor to make 2019 the year you cut the strings binding you to a toxic person? Below, Tina Tessina, psychotherapist and co-author of How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free, and other therapists share six negative people to leave behind in the New Year.

1. The Ghoster

Ghosters don’t just exist in the dating world; a friend who used to be dependable and communicative but now never responds counts as a ghoster, too.

If your requests to hang out continue to fall on deaf ears, it might be time to stop counting on your chronically flaky friend.

“Relationships with these people often feel one-directional;they disappear easily, shut down and escape without saying a word,” said Talia Wagner, a marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles. “Most of the toxic people in our lives, including ghosters, are good at taking ― our time,resources, energy, empathy and compassion ― but not so good at giving it back.”

2. The Adult Dependent

Everyone loves Kim. But Kim’s life is a mess. You help her out of financial jams, answer her drunken calls at 3 a.m. and help her work through romantic entanglements she constantly finds herself in.

At this point, your relationship is starting to feel more like an episode of “Dr. Phil” ― or worse yet, “Intervention” ― than a genuine friendship.

“The thing is, the toxic adult dependent person will never stop needing,” said Susan Pease Gadoua, a therapist and co-author of The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels.“There’s always another drama around the next corner.”

Should I Leave my Boyfriend Because of His Debt?

If you are dating a guy who has accumulated some serious debt, you may be wondering if you can (or should) salvage the relationship. Especially if your credit is in good order.

Financial stress is a leading cause of fights and breakups. If your current boyfriend has a debt problem, there are a number of things you need to consider before continuing with the relationship.

What Kind of Debt Does He Have?
There is a big difference between student loan debt and credit card debt. There is an equally large gulf between mortgage debt and gambling debt. The former shows a degree of foresight and planning for the future, while the latter just demonstrates irresponsibility and possibly an addictive personality.

If your boyfriend bought a first home and saw the property drop in value, that is not his fault. Millions of people made the same error during the housing crisis and learned from their mistake. If he was smart enough to buy a home, he is intelligent enough to work his way through the debt and recover his thrifty ways.

The same is true of student loans. Having to pay back tens of thousands of dollars in student loan debt is certainly not fun, but the education he received should help him earn a higher salary going forward. A higher education is an investment in the future, and you and he can work through the payments as a couple.

Is My Relationship F*cked Up?

You know it’s probably f*cked up but you still want confirmation. If any of these ten behaviors are present, yes, you have an unhealthy relationship.

1. You look to someone else for comfort
If you feel more comfortable going to someone else for emotional support, this is a sign that your relationship is not as loving as you thought. It’s important that you can go to your partner with whatever feelings you’re having and know you will find comfort.

2. You no longer see your family and friends
The newness of a relationship sometimes cuts into the time you used to spend with family and friends. This is not a phase that should last very long. As your relationship progresses you should resume seeing your family and having nights out with friends. A good relationship is not one where only your partner matters and you are isolated from those who are important to you.

3. You are blamed for your partner’s lack of success
Healthy relationships are all about support. You can encourage your partner to follow a dream, but you can’t achieve a dream for someone else. Your partner has to do the work. It’s not healthy for you to feel that you’re responsible for your partner’s success or lack-thereof. If your partner blames you for their lack of success, it’s only to make themselves feel better and this is very unhealthy.

4. You walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting your partner
When you’re afraid of upsetting your partner so much that you are careful of your every word and action, this is not a healthy relationship. You should never be afraid of your partner’s reaction to anything you do. Your spouse may not always like what you do, but their reaction should never make you anxious. If you find yourself nervous before your spouse comes home and dread your time with them, this is unhealthy.

5. You call each other names
People don’t easily forget being called names, and it hurts! If there is name-calling on a regular basis, this is a sign of major trouble in your relationship and needs to be stopped immediately. Couples must lift each other up, not bring each other down.

6. You enable each other to live an unhealthy lifestyle

To The Woman Currently Hurting, You Are Stronger Than You Realize

Dear woman, pick up your heavy burdens

You have dwelled long enough

In your spaces of regret

In your shadows of remorse

Take off your clothes of mourning

Remove the veil from your eyes

And run barefoot through golden fields

Call out to the wind

Tell her to blow to the corners of the world

Gather all that was once yours

And bring it back to where it belongs

All you have lost

All you have given away

All you have sacrificed

All you have traded

In the name of the love you cast

To drought-stricken hearts

Feel it sweep upon you

Rush through your wild hair

Fall onto hungry skin

Filter through famished bones

Soak into hollow lungs

Until all the stars in the galaxies

And the particles of the universe

Are held inside your heartbeat once more

Then revel in your untamed beauty

And set the world afire with your glory

8 Habits that Help Build Strong Relationships

Many people say that the best relationships are rooted in friendship.  And everyone says strong relationships are the ones both parties work at to keep them strong and healthy. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that just because you and your partner argue on occasion that your relationship is not strong.  Every couple needs to argue now and then. Just to prove that the relationship is strong enough to survive.

Long-term relationships, the ones that matter, are all about weathering the peaks and the valleys. Luckily, there are plenty of things that can help strengthen a relationship and keep the feeling of love steady and strong. Remember, the little things also matter when you are trying to build a relationship and keep it strong.

  1. Check Up On Each Other

When you both make it a habit to check in on one another, it can really help strengthen the feeling of love between you. Couples who call one another after a long day at work to see how they’re feeling, or send a text to make sure that they made it home okay after a long journey, will have a better connection and feel taken care of by one another. It’s such a small thing, but it can really make a world of difference.

  1. Laughing Together

A couple who can share a sense of humor and laugh together will form all kinds of emotional bonds that can help keep the relationship running strong. Psychologist Doris Bazzini, Ph.D. says, “Laughter reminiscence packs an additional punch because people relive the moment by laughing again.” Whether you decide to sit down with a funny movie, or just an evening of watching funny YouTube videos, laughing together is important. Once a couple laughs together, their brains will be wired to associate each other with happiness and laughter.

  1. Sharing Is Caring

4 Reasons Why So Many Women Who Have Their Act Together Are Single

There are so many smart, gorgeous and amazing women in this world, and a lot of them are still single. No, not because they are high maintenance, conceited, or difficult to please.  As a matter of fact, most of them are caring, friendly and very down-to-earth.

So, you might wonder why are they single. Well, truth be told, they cannot find someone who is worthy of their respect, time and love.

They aren’t afraid of repeating past mistakes, heartache or failure. It is that they do not want to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one.

You should know that an attractive and smart woman would never waste her time on someone that cannot keep up with her. She is not the type to diminish who she is to make someone feel special.

Being with a partner who lacks feelings of affection and confidence, and who does not want to commit is out of the question. There are 5 reasons why the best women decide to be single until they find the one.

#1 They Already Feel Fulfilled

And I’m Not Sorry for Choosing Me

The more I begin to heal the less I find myself apologizing for it.

It would be easy to say sorry.

Sorry for the ways I have pulled away.

Sorry for the ways I have let you down.

Sorry for the messages I have not replied to.

Sorry for the calls I have not answered.

Sorry for my absence.

Sorry for my silence.

Sorry I can no longer meet your expectations.

Sorry I can no longer meet your needs.

Sorry I can no longer put your needs above my own.

Except, I’m not sorry.

Because, the thing is, it isn’t me that needs to heal.

It’s the little girl within me; the wounded child that nobody protected. Or stood up for. Or put first. Or made to feel mattered.

The girl who was not heard, or seen.

The girl who grew up believing the needs of others were more important than her own.

That her body was not her own.

That her voice would never be heard.

That she wasn’t worth the respect of others.

That love was something to be earned.

That boundaries could be crossed by whoever so pleased.

That her value was not in what she could give, but only in what others could take.

And This is How We Must Learn to Love

And this is how we must learn to love; without expectation or attachment.

To understand we cannot force people to come into our lives, or stay in our lives, simply because we want them there. There is nothing forceful about love; we cannot demand it, manipulate it, control it, coerce it into being.

We cannot bind another person to us but must understand those who want to be in our lives, will be. Indecision is still a decision; if we must convince someone to see our worth then they do not belong in our lives. There is no place for those who are not ready or able to love us now, as we are, and to set them free is to create space in our heart for those who will see us, and love us, as we deserve; it is to set ourselves free also.

To love without expectation does not mean we should ever be okay with a love that offers us no loyalty, respect, understanding, or hurts us in any way. But that we learn to love without an expectation of outcome; that we cannot place those we love inside our predetermined ideas of relationship but must allow love to manifest of its own accord, all the while finding the grace to accept we may not always get the outcome we hope for.

Don’t be Afraid to Cut Toxic Family Members Out of Your Life

Family is the one special bond that should not be broken. At least that’s what society has conditioned us to believe. However, that sentiment is not always true. Sometimes that bond has to be cut to maintain your emotional stability, peace of mind, or personal safety.

Some people try keeping distance between themselves and the toxic family member, while others realize that the only solution is breaking the bond entirely and letting them go indefinitely.

A toxic family member can do way more harm than a friend or an acquaintance. And the emotional fallout is felt much deeper.  Any toxic relationship can drain you emotionally, but one with your family members can impact your overall mental health.

Now, it might be possible to remove toxic lovers, friends, acquaintances or colleagues from your life without too much drama and aftermath, but doing so with your immediate family is harder and might not be accepted by other family members.

So before you start shutting people down, it’s important to understand the signs of a negative person. If any member of your family shows the following symptoms, you can be assured that they are a threat to your mental health:

1. They make you the victim of their insecurities.

Instead of appreciating what you have achieved in life, they will point out what you haven’t. They will remind you constantly that life is unfair and there is nothing to be happy about because they are personally feeling it.

2. They will always judge you.

Science Says Intelligent People Tend to Be Messy, Stay up Late, And Swear More

If you are the type of person who doesn’t go to bed until the wee hours of the night, whose house is not Martha Stewart clean, and have been told on more than one occasion you swear like a sailor… you’re probably highly intelligent.  And that’s science talking!

While intelligent people are expected to be organized and have high self-control compared to those with an average IQ, it turns out that may not be the case for some.

Go ahead, revel in your messiness, drop a few eff-bombs, and don’t stress about your messy house because according to scientists, this means you actually have a sharp mind and high levels of intelligence.

Here’s why:

Intelligent people tend to be messy.

No matter what you’re doing or where you are, you always leave a mess behind. But, guess what? There’s good news for you.

A study by the psychological scientist Kathleen Vohs at the University of Minnesota suggests that a messy desk and disorderly environment are signs of a higher IQ.

And really, if you think about it more carefully, you’ll see that when your mind is engaged in important things, organizing and cleaning stuff around you is the least of your worries.

Moreover, the study also shows that messy environments encourage creativity. In reference to this, Vohs says “Disorderly environments seem to inspire breaking free of tradition, which can produce fresh insights.”

So, if you’re messy, don’t be embarrassed. Having this habit doesn’t only prove that you’re intelligent, but it also helps you to break free of convention, think in creative ways, and produce new ideas.

Intelligent people stay up late.

If you tend to stay up late, don’t worry because the only negative thing about this is that you’re probably very tired in the mornings. One scientific study shows that more intelligent people are more likely to be nocturnal than less intelligent people.

The thing is that the circadian rhythm, or your natural body clock, works in a different way in you than in others. In reference to this, this is what the study revealed:” More intelligent children are more likely to grow up to be nocturnal adults who go to bed late and wake up late on both weekdays and weekends.”